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Archive for the ‘joke’ Category

May
08

The Truth behind 10 User Photos you find on Myspace or Facebook

Posted by Wenhan

Photo Type: Guy with beard on couch

What They Want You to Think: Sit on couch a lot, has a beard
The Truth: Sit on couch a lot, has a beard

Photo Type: Close up of Breast
What They Want You to Think: Sexy and Naughty
The Truth: Fat

Photo Type: Dark and Brooding
What They Want You to Think: Doesn’t Care
The Truth: Dangerous, possibly a pirate
Photo Type: Disney Cartoon Character
What They Want You to Think: Cute, Playful
The Truth: Immature

Photo Type: Face at awkward downward angle
What They Want You to Think: Eccentric, Possibly supermodel
The Truth: Unattractive, this is the only good picture ever taken

Photo Type: Blurry
What They Want You to Think: Artistic
The Truth: Has acne or moustache
Photo Type: Anime
What They Want You to Think: Eccentric, maybe Japanese
The Truth: Computer programmer
Photo Type: Holding so sort of alcoholic beverage
What They Want You to Think: Fun, laid back
The Truth: There has never been a photo where they weren’t holding a bottle
Photo Type: Very closely cropped
What They Want You to Think: Enigmatic
The Truth: Fat
Photo Type: Dude jamming on guitar
What They Want You to Think: He is in a popular band and rocks all the time
The Truth: Umemployed
Mar
23

Top 10 Marketing Slogans for VIAGRA:

Posted by Wenhan

Not that I really need it, but I found this list to be extremely funny and thought that I should share it with everyone! On a more serious note, I just lost my wallet so I will be doing a 10 Things to do when you lose your wallet tomorrow. But I am feeling rather pissed off now. Mostly at myself for being not careful. If I really cannot find my wallet, there will be a hefty fine to replace my identification card as this is the 3rd one I might be getting.(Anyone who sees a grey wallet in NUS, please check if it is mine. Its a FX creations wallet)

Top 10 Marketing Slogans for VIAGRA:

1. Viagra, The quicker dicker upper

2. Viagra, One-a-day, like iron

3. Viagra, When it absolutely, positively has to be there tonight

4. Viagra, Home of the whopper

5. Viagra, It plumps when you take ‘em

6. Viagra, Strong enough for a man, but made for a woman

7. Viagra, Tastes great, more filling

8. Viagra, Ten inches long … and growing.

9. Viagra, We work harder, so you don’t have to.

10. This is your penis. This is your penis on drugs. Any questions?

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10 Smart Insults from Famous People
10 Creative Adverts-Slideshow
Top 10 Ways Not To Die
TodaysTen.com: Daily Top Ten List to jumpstart your knowledge
Copyright : TodaysTen.com

Mar
17

Top 10 Hilarious Ideas

Posted by Wenhan

1. Panic PIN

You use this PIN at the ATM when you are being robbed. Say if your PIN is 1234, you key in 4321 (in reverse order) at the ATM. You will still be accepted and can withdraw money. But the police will be notified to come and rescue you. You can also give the reverse code when you are coerced to give out your PIN.

2. Tractor balloon driven airship


A balloon driven plane that can control the horizontal direction. I am not sure the physic will work out since most of the force provided by the ballon will be up instead of horizontal directed.

3. Tails For All

Tails for Humans.

“One of my profoundest regrets about being human is that I am not equipped with a splendid and useful tail, like many other members of the animal kingdom.” Mickey the Fish

Hmm…a human with a fish nickname wishing he has a tail? I guess a tail will be really useful if we need to swing around trees. Maybe a tail can help us by controlling the computer mouse too.

4. Cream Cheese Ring

Preformed Cream Cheese Rings for Bagels

I don’t really like Bagels but cream cheese on it will make it better. But gastronomically sinful it is.

5. Evil laugh activated hand dryer

The hand dryer is activated by your evil laugh instead of the usual or infra red sensor. So you laugh, rub your hands dry and boost your evil ego at the same time.

6. Custard-Filled Speed Bumps

A custard-filled, speed-sensitive speed bump.

This bump would allow safe passage to all law-abiding vehicles. Custard will change from liquid to solid at low speed. But at high speed, the hump would burst showering the offending vehicle with incriminating custard.

7. Film Noir Home

A very ‘wired’ home which knows what you’re doing and uses voice synthesis to announce, in the first person, what you are doing

For example, you wake up in the night and go and get a glass of water. As you fill your glass from the kitchen tap, a dark, gravelly voice announces “It was late at night and I couldn’t sleep – I was thirsty so I went to get a glass of water”.

If you record down everything, it becomes like a computer stored memory of your life.

8. Flocking Road Cones

Create a solar-powered artificially intelligent motorised road cone that, through the simplest behaviour model possible ends up grouping around holes in the road.

Wow…I actually like this idea. But of course they must learn how to avoid cars. Maybe a simpler idea is to just place 2 cones at the ends of the line that you want to form. After placing the end cones, the rest of the cones will just form a straight line by themshelves.

9. Supermarket Pirates

While your faithful assistant pushes your trolley, you ride, in full pirate captain regalia, in the bows. On sighting a laden merchant ship / somebody else’s trolley, unfurl the Jolly Roger, come alongside, board ship and plunder. Should trouble be sighted on the horizon in the form of the King’s Navy, or even store security, flee to the Checkout Havens. If cornered, defend to the last man with tins of beans and packets of biscuits.

10. carrymehome.com

This is a service that calls 5-6 people to carry you home when you are tired. Reminds me of the human powered carriage service back in olden china.

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10 Smart Insults from Famous People

TodaysTen.com: Daily Top Ten List to jumpstart your knowledge
Copyright : TodaysTen.com

Mar
15

10 More Smart Insults from Famous People

Posted by Wenhan

1. “I married your mother because I wanted children, imagine my disappointment when you came along.” – Groucho Marx

2. “Here lies my wife: here let her lie ! “
3. She has discovered the secret of perpetual middle age. – Oscar Levant (about Zsa Zsa Gabor)
4. Joan always cries a lot. Her tear ducts must be close to her bladder. – Bette Davis (about Joan Crawford)
5. It’s a new low for actresses when you have to wonder what’s between her ears instead of her legs. - Katherine Hepburn (about Sharon Stone)
6. She needs open-heart surgery, and they should go in through her feet.- Julie Andrews (about columnist Joyce Haber)

7. Monica Lewinsky has agreed to host a new Fox reality show called Mr. Personality. Lewinsky says this way, when people ask her the most degrading thing she’s ever done, she’ll have a new answer. Tina Fey on Saturday Night Live

8. “His album was called ‘Bad’ because there wasn’t enough room on the sleeve for ‘Pathetic’.” The Artist Formerly Known As Prince having a go at Michael Jackson.
9. Do you mind if I sit back a little? Because your breath is very bad. – Donald Trump (to Larry King)
10. If I were married to you, I’d put poison in your coffee.- Lady Astor (to Winston Churchill) If you were my wife, I’d drink it.- Winston Churchill, in reply
ps:I just love Churchill’s wit!

This article is a continuation of 10 Smart Insults from Famous People
Mar
14

10 Smart Insults from Famous People

Posted by Wenhan

1. “He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire” Winston Churchill

2. “I didn’t attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it” Mark Twain
3. “He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends” Oscar Wilde
4. “I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend….if you have one” George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill; “Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second……if there is one” Winston Churchill in response
5. “I feel so miserable without you; it’s almost like having you here” Stephen Bishop
6. “He has the attention span of a lightning bolt” Robert Redford
7. “Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go” Oscar Wilde
8. “I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn’t it.” Groucho Marx
9. “He is a self-made man and worships his creator.” John Bright
10. “She not only expects the worst, but makes the worst of it when it happens.” Michael Arle
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